I've had 2 moms in the same young season of motherhood reach out to me recently about screen time and the amount we allow in our home. It's one of those topics that seems so simple and then when you dive into the conversation it's actually super complex and filled with emotion.
Screen time amounts vary from home to home and I think it depends on what works best for your children and family. I have friends who always have the TV on while their children play around it and stop to watch throughout the day. I have friends who don't own a television and never plan to bring one into their home.
There can be so much judgement in motherhood and I hate that that is the case since we're all trying our hardest to find what works for our kids.
Today I'm sharing what screen time we allow and the journey that we took before finding a healthy balance for our family.
March of 2020 my back completely went out. I had struggled with back issues for years prior, having my first MRI my sophomore year of college. But March of last year I came home from a long walk which was my workout of choice and how I lost 65 lbs after baby and crumbled. Josh came home and it took 14 days and my mom coming to help from Oklahoma before I could move further than the bathroom.
It went out again a couple months later after moving furniture and has threatened to go out a few times since. I've learned better ways to move my body to limit strain, I've seen the chiropractor and Massage therapist many times and I even got a second MRI in February which showed issues stemming from two mild bulging discs in lower spine to a fracture in the 'conus' or bottom of my spine and degenerative breakdown of the spongy tissue between discs (also called spondylosis which is what my first MRI many years ago showed).
I'm sharing my back journey on my screen time post because during the major physical and emotional rollercoaster it's been, our daughter got an extreme amount of screen time. It was on when she first got up in the morning typically until my husband came home from work at 5pm. On and off all day long she would watch tv. I won't name shows in particular, but the popular children's shows were not beneficial to her behavior and she quickly became addicted. The fast moving scenes and bright colors draw children in and, for lack of a better word, put them in a trance. Creators of these shows know exactly what they're doing when the create them because they want children to ask for them.
We had started tot school lessons for the first time August of 2019 and due to my back issues we stopped them in March and TV took the place of learning time and field trips I had so intentionally planned for her, Talk about extreme mom guilt! I went to bed each night feeling like I was failing our daughter and wasn't equipped to be a good mother.
I even brought up screen time struggles at my small group and requested prayer for patience and grace to do away with it during our days at home.
This was a really big deal! Coupled with physical pain, I felt a gray cloud of gloom over my days as I wasn't giving our sweet girl the opportunity to learn and we could no longer do the 3-4 mile daily walks we cherished and had been doing since she was born.
I announced 'No more screen time!' to some family, my husband and Instagram. But it felt like I was punishing myself. I was miserable and trying to do this major shift in our home in my own strength. It did not feel right and it felt forced. I understand initially that big changes will be uncomfortable, but this truly felt like a way to punish myself instead of seeking the Lord and His strength to help.
So guess what? After a few weeks, back to screen time we went. And her behavior at home plummeted. Lots of 'NO!' Lots of repeated lines of disrespect that characters from some of the shows she was viewing said to their own parents. And signs of screen addiction.
I don't know what changed. I had had my 'I've had it' moment many times before, but a little over a month ago I felt God's grace on the situation. I didn't feel alone and I felt equipped to take away screen time, despite being physically limited certain days.
I shared our daily schedule in THIS post, and if you'll notice, it does not list screen time during any part of our day. This isn't a pat-myself-on-the-back thing, it's a we've been through the ringer on this subject but GOD thing. Sounds silly, huh? Before motherhood you couldn't have told me screen time and toddler screen addiction was ever going to be an issue, but motherhood is often very surprising.
Back to our daily schedule--having one is incredibly helpful. Some call it a daily 'rhythm,' it sets the tone for your day. It allows you to plan ahead and know that in half an hour we will be taking an outing so you can definitely make it until then without a show. We also have 2 hours of quiet time that I could write an entire separate post on. This time each day allows us both to rest and be alone, which I think is so needed for both mama and child. She talks and sings and plays toys in her bed. I blog, read, rest, or whatever is needed that I couldn't get done any other time. The exhaustion of no break in the day is SO real and I often found I could make it all morning without screen time, but after lunch was when it got really tough. Having a quiet time has helped tremendously.
My husband and I discussed how often we want TV to be offered and we decided we don't want Leighton or any future children to go to the homes of family and friends and be absorbed in TV because we never allowed them to watch at home. So the healthy balance we found after a cold turkey screen time cut off is having either Friday or Saturday evening being family movie night. I grab 2 movies from the library each week so we have options without inappropriate commercials playing and we watch as a family.
Exceptions are when it's a rainy day and we're not going for an outing or if she isn't feeling well. Then we can watch the second movie or show I grabbed from the library.
This works well for us and I feel a better peace in our household as a result of sorting out this large piece of our day.
We have noticed much more creativity in our girl, she plays consistently with the toys she has and asks for ‘activities’ right when she wakes up. Her behavior is increasingly better, though we do understand she is 2 and has big feelings and not all the words to express them right now. We are so proud of her.
A few things to note--with more hands on play time comes more messes throughout the day. I've saved my type-A sanity by designated 'apartment reset' times at 12:30 right before Quiet Time and again at 4pm before dinner and when my husband gets home around 5pm. If I mentally have those times mapped out, the mess does not bother me (as much) through the day.
It is also very easy to spend more money on toys/supplies for activities when you take screen time out of the daily lineup. It is NOT necessary to buy more but in the beginning, I definitely did this! A few purchases that really have helped include kinetic sand, books and floor puzzles from the thrift store and play dough. Otherwise, we didn't need a baby doll or a few other new items I think I bought in guilt when we first cold turkey cut off the TV. Definitely have to give yourself grace! Any change can be hard.
As we watch our family movies, I’ll share a list of the movies she enjoyed. So far the Tigger movie is a winner.
An Instagram account which helped me to learn about the addiction of screen time is @jerricasannes if you're interested in better screen alternatives for your kiddos.
We will begin tot school lessons again mid-August and follow the schedule I made for her in 2019 except it will be a lesser load and much more doable for us in this season. I shared in a previous post but the Lord is really speaking to me about staying simple and staying the course instead of go big or go home which has been my method for so long.
I hope my sharing blesses you in some way! No matter what amount of screen time your child has, or even if it's not a thought for you--you're doing a great job.
With heart from our home,
Jordan
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